“Faith, It Is Ecstasy”
“to live without faith is not to exist at all, for even a tiny mosquito has its faith.”
some fantasy of being cornered to a rape, of being abused mutilated to point of death, is like a gentle haemorrhage oozing…where i immediately conceive to establish myself a mighty force, an unthought logic of me being a David to outdone Goliath… a built-in faith… that i can stone my opponent to extinction.
is it a nightmare, an expedient annihilation to instinctively think of killing someone that would cause me harm… i can readily admit the abyss, not as a comfort zone but as an emotional deletion, i mask my fear, i swoon my courageous tirade, lightning it out, escaping that halocaust which makes me a heroine: i am alive: i feel ecstatic!
recently, i had this very exhausting plane trip, twenty-eight hour journey: 14 hour actual airplane-ride and 14 hour stop-over on one place… upon reaching the passenger departure waiting lounge, it is full-packed: 15 reclining couches and about 20 or more ordinary chairs, all occupied. Since i was being serviced by a wheel chair, i thought i could just stay on wheel, but to my dismay, it is not allowed, fortunately, someone left a chair, so i got seated.
14 hours to wait and it is 9:30 pm and my flight is yet 11:30am following day… imagine, i had just arrived from that straight 12-hour air flight… how how can i possibly sleep, i, with that 5 screws and a metal plate on my fractured hips? WaaaaHHH!!!
Here, i am face to face with Goliath once more, the David in me again looks for that magical stone to kill Goliath… so in my deep thoughts, i prayed, “ God please, i am so tired, you are my father… give me a vacant couch.” But after 15 minutes, still no couch.
i noticed a little cozy cove enclosed with two planters near me, immediately, i stood up, pulled my hand carried bag, spread my shawl blanket on the floor, laid slept… so deadly-tired i got into a dream in an instant!!!
“ms madam, you can have my couch,”
“huh?” i thought that was a scene years back when i was a little 8 year old, when my father would wake me up, because i had pee-ed on my mat!
“ you can have my couch madam,” a good-looking Indian man, probably in his thirties, smiles.
“oh, thanks a lot, thanks a lot, you are a drop from heaven,” i got up like catching up a passing train.
i won i won over Goliath again, faith it is ecstasy… my faith in God, i ask, i wait, He gives!!!
ade caparas manilah
sunday 5:56pm 18 march 2018
sydney nsw australia