#8 2018 blog “life is a struggle” [Ganturbury Tale-3]

“life is a struggle” [Ganturbury Tale-3]

“life is a struggle, there’s no other way to reach my goal but to face it and win it:  #2 fragments-dotism hd ade 2018philosophers struggle to find reasons of existence; ordinary people struggle for the ways of their existence; poets struggle for thoughts of existence; music history anthropology dance politics religion, etc. etc., struggle for existence… it is a continued struggle till Death. _ade c. 



Impong Nene [Impo means grandmother in Pilipino dialect], is the mom of my late father. She is a noble woman, a rarity at this present modern generation:

wakes up early to cook meals
does the laundry
tidy the home and garden
feed the animal farm
and still
finds time to cuddle me
her first grand daughter
which i look forward to
every 4:00pm of Sunday.

one of her tales, she told about her life story: “when i feel love, i feel it to the fullest… come what may… and should the other end feels otherwise, i care not, “why should i care’… i will love him till i feel No More or find myself another love.”

am i a jellyfish?
a brainless purple-tinted hair dolly,
une poupée naïve;
who knows nothing except to tint my hair perfectly?
i reinvent myself
infuse new freshness
i glutton for things that melt my sanity…
my garden, i landscape a freshness…
of a new photograph

desiring a lover
who gazes at me, No More
where where where
i brood moi to a corner
flooding wetting my pillows
shouting songs
yet my voice wouldn’t come out,
i am cooped, a prisoner of my own stupidities
i am being pulled by a violent wind.

then was summer
now is summer
many many more summers
nothing but blurry mirrors
the drips the leaks the dashes
pouring rain pouring rain
but a draught
not even a drizzle.

my limbs my whole body my mind in asphyxia
i see the image of destruction
i am hopelessly immobile
my indefensible despair for a lover
begging for some showers
even few drizzles to come my way
to sprinkle freshness
on my pigmented complexion
kiss may wrinkled dead skin.

i miss i pain i struggle, but i couldn’t be bothered with the whys or reasons of the other, strange as it is, i feel no anger no revenge; my concern is to have new lover… when something ends, that is death, means no more, non-existence… a reality of life on earth, but death is heaven.

there’s no hell after death
hell are struggles
i overcome here on Earth.

Now… i ask again:
is life a dream full of struggles
while dream is a life without struggles?
but both have to be accepted
to enjoy a seeming reality…

                                                                                         is DEATH the only reality of life?


_ade caparas manilah
tuesday 9:57am 27 march 2018
sydney nsw australia





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