#38 2018 Blog “Now, i found me… i found You”

“Now, i found me… i found You”

During one of my willy-nilly moment, i try to glance and uncover moi; my many thousand unreached reveries, my insignificance my frailty… why am i bothered by the melting iceberg; the cracking farmland; the receding sea; the muslim/christian killing each other; __what concern is this of mine, when i live in utmost comfort, not necessarily in luxury but i am not in want nor in need; i don’t beg nor borrow from others… why do i get affected… why do i cry, why do i pray, why do i get in anger, ahhhh…  i feel estranged and discomposed.  

ahhhh… this world of sounds and movements

my heart my soul my spirit in nudeness

air i breathe in and out exudes the image de moi

like the forming clouds that kiss the mountain tips

that cause the trees, the orchids, the brooks, the rocks,

to a tumble-like laughter… 

mimicking moi without shame.

Seeing my mirrored-image, my personality which  to my self-knowledge is good but abhorring to others; that causes my unnecessary  bias feelings for whoever. I am embarrassed and perplexed… why can’t i see me, am i created for others et pas moi?

my earthly existence 

translates my accomplishments

the vast ocean, the desiertos, the mountains i explore  

judges the failure or success de moi

but NO NO NO… 

i am still in pursuit

Death, only Death finalizes.

the hair hd pic ade 15 december 2017 Where are You my God”? __am i thrown out of this big dot floating as tiny dot of my own …forced to build rebuild the physically seen into spiritual and primeval, then expect the most hidden vent of  my soul to a public stage, to a concrete block, where without fail, it will be sweetened and adulterated, like an artists who tries to infuse his own fantasy on his work or a poet who pens his own illusion of reality… the nature of a dithyrambic dramatist. 

“Where are You my God”? 

in one of those dreary blackness 

a hymning lullaby seeps in

warm breath aroma come in siege    

stains my hair my eyes my nose 

blankets me in complete deliverance 

are You but a dream

touch see hold talk with You but in dream?

then a whisper… 

“I am in you, you are me… find you… you shall find me”

now yes now, 

it’s only now my God

i grasp your essence

ahhhh… i am foolish

my pangs of craze threw me

You are my shade from heat

the ice cold drink from my thirst

You dry my roll of tears

Now, i found me… i found You!

ade caparas manilah

thursday 11:23pm 21 june 2018

sydney nsw australia

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