“Now, i found me… i found You”
During one of my willy-nilly moment, i try to glance and uncover moi; my many thousand unreached reveries, my insignificance my frailty… why am i bothered by the melting iceberg; the cracking farmland; the receding sea; the muslim/christian killing each other; __what concern is this of mine, when i live in utmost comfort, not necessarily in luxury but i am not in want nor in need; i don’t beg nor borrow from others… why do i get affected… why do i cry, why do i pray, why do i get in anger, ahhhh… i feel estranged and discomposed.
ahhhh… this world of sounds and movements
my heart my soul my spirit in nudeness
air i breathe in and out exudes the image de moi
like the forming clouds that kiss the mountain tips
that cause the trees, the orchids, the brooks, the rocks,
to a tumble-like laughter…
mimicking moi without shame.
Seeing my mirrored-image, my personality which to my self-knowledge is good but abhorring to others; that causes my unnecessary bias feelings for whoever. I am embarrassed and perplexed… why can’t i see me, am i created for others et pas moi?
my earthly existence
translates my accomplishments
the vast ocean, the desiertos, the mountains i explore
judges the failure or success de moi
but NO NO NO…
i am still in pursuit
Death, only Death finalizes.
“Where are You my God”? __am i thrown out of this big dot floating as tiny dot of my own …forced to build rebuild the physically seen into spiritual and primeval, then expect the most hidden vent of my soul to a public stage, to a concrete block, where without fail, it will be sweetened and adulterated, like an artists who tries to infuse his own fantasy on his work or a poet who pens his own illusion of reality… the nature of a dithyrambic dramatist.
“Where are You my God”?
in one of those dreary blackness
a hymning lullaby seeps in
warm breath aroma come in siege
stains my hair my eyes my nose
blankets me in complete deliverance
are You but a dream
touch see hold talk with You but in dream?
then a whisper…
“I am in you, you are me… find you… you shall find me”
now yes now,
it’s only now my God
i grasp your essence
ahhhh… i am foolish
my pangs of craze threw me
You are my shade from heat
the ice cold drink from my thirst
You dry my roll of tears
Now, i found me… i found You!
ade caparas manilah
thursday 11:23pm 21 june 2018
sydney nsw australia