#48   2018 Blog” “Cry In Silence”

“Cry In Silence”

One fascinating memories of the 50s was the the crying in silence… then, young people like me, were totally submissive to parents, who seemed to be our earth god… for we have to feel so infinitely indebted for being sent to good schools, while they sweat to fill their financial pockets.;  education  seemed and believed to be the only gateway to successful future during this era; my parents expected a top notch, a summa, a valedictorian at all times. I was 16age, i remember having layers upon layers of dreams, fantasies, imaginations, occupying my 24/7 thoughts… these were infatuation  crushes, fantasy of love, fantasy of riches, of actors, of beauty contests, besides the obsession to be top amongst the grades. I avoided  public complaints, on the contrary, i found cry as my most consolable  friend when things got so difficult, a negative result then, was taboo… it had  to be triumph at all times!

ade draft-1

i weep not… i cry

a painful water drop in silence…

not of resignation nor helplessness 

but of weariness boredom suppression.

cricket’s chorus song

impedes my sighing pains

i cry to myself to win

the battle of triumph,

through longevity of my strength.

Now, this 21st century, parents, the Dads and the Moms, are on the receiving end of ‘cry’; the children they love, cared and educated, now far exceed the attainment of triumphs; the parents are subdued, finding themselves in the ‘cry of silence’. In some cases, the children would dare utter loud languages  against the Dad and the Mon without a glint of hesitation. This parent’s precious precious silent-tears, is what i would call ‘self-pity’… self-pity because, they are expectant of gratefulness from their children, which i would definitely not be in agreement. As a mom myself, to see to hear to feel, the triumphs of my kids, would instead make me cry in joy… i never would expect any repayment of gratefulness or material gifts for whatever i have done for whoever… and should i get some disrespect from them, i would have to review why. I would conclude that perhaps, “i had been wrong in the upbringing of my children or perhaps i have misread people”.

cry is a gift

it releases pain

it opens a new vision

for a renewed strength

finds my new me

my independent moi

opens my eyes

a wider field of interest

i start to love me!

A forsaken lover would shed a silent tear as being magnified in music like the song  ‘CRY’ by Johnnie Ray:

“if your sweetheart sends a letter of goodbye

it’s no secret, you feel better, if you cry…….”

or the song by Diana Krall, ‘Cry Me A River’:

“now you say, you’re lonely

you cried the whole night through

well, you can cry me a river, 

cry me a river

i cried a river over you.

you drove me… 

nearly drove me out of my head

while you never shed a tear

remember, i remember all that you said…….”

What is ‘crocodile tears’?

actors in movies cry

reliving the reality 

of roles they play.

lies relived as reality

are crocodile tears.

this kind of tears

are mere acts

that involves not

a heart.

Crying, an involuntary release of emotion, touched and moved by a situation like death of ones child, of a parent, or some devastation of properties, of wars, of massacres, or victim of assaults, etc., is in fact a wonderful feeling of unloading heaviness of heart…  and though it may prove to be a painful struggle, to cry does not lessen, degrade, insult, my existential being.

__ade caparas manilah

thursday 12:03am 02 august 2018

sydney nsw australia

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